Почти тоже самое, что было про Фиат, но на английском:)
Some guys are stood with their cars bragging about how fast they were and so on.
Suddenly a Lada arrives with a lot of noise from the back.
All the guys laughed and one of them says: “Hey your Lada looks brand new and it already sounds like its falling apart”.
The Lada owner just smiled friendly and replied “Oh no its just the sound of all the money I have in the trunk which I saved on buying a Lada”.
Q: Which is the biggest society of belivers?.
A: The Lada owners, they all belive they have a car!
Q: What’s the difference between a Lada and a Jehovah’s Witness?
A: You can close the door on a Jehovah’s Witness.
Man buys a Lada but after only one day of ownership returns it to the garage.
“It’s no good mate, the car’s no good for me” says the man
“Why not?” asks the car dealer.
“See that steep hill over there?” says the man pointing
“Well it will only get up to seventy five up there!”
“That’s not bad really sir, for a Lada especially. I can’t see a problem with that”
“Trouble is” said the man, ” I live at ninety five!”
A man goes into a car accessory shop and say’s to the assistant “Can I have a hub cap for my Lada?”
The assistant thinks for a moment and reply’s “Okay, it seems a fair swop”
Did you hear about the bloke who had his Lada broken into?
The thieves put him a radio in!
What do you call a Lada going up a hill?
A bloody miracle.
Somewhere in the middle of Spain, a Lada is driving along and meets a donkey.
The donkey, never having seen a Lada before, asks: “What are you?”
The Lada say’s “I am a car. What are you?”
The donkey say’s “Hahahaha… If you’re a car, I’m a horse!”
Heard of Lada’s new turbo model?
It has pedals in the backseat, too!
How do you make a Lada worth twice as much?
You fill up the gas tank.
Why is the Lada’s rear window heated?
So the hands of the people pushing it will not freeze.
How do you make a Lada disappear?
You spray it with rust remover!
Now they have made a new Lada, with two exhaust pipes.
So you can use it as a wheelbarrow at weekends.
A Lada can reach a speed of 125 mph, if it’s transported on the railway!
Did you know that the Lada’s instruction book contains 500 pages?
There are two pages with information about the car and 498 pages with bus and train timetables.
Why do insurance companies enjoy Lada’s?
They are never stolen.
Why is there light under the Lada’s bonnet?
So you can fix it 24 hours a day.
There is a new 16 valve Lada.
It has 8 in the engine, and 8 in the radio.
My cousin was unemployed. Then he became a Lada salesman.
He is still unemployed, but now we understand why
Do you know what all the Lada owners are dreaming about?
Getting a ticket for speeding.
From a newspaper: To the man who stole my Lada in 20 degrees of frost.
Keep the Lada, but please tell me how you started it!
Did you know that there are only two men working in the Lada factory?
One with scissors and one with glue.
Do you know what the trip counter in the Lada says when it’s passing 20,000 miles?
Game Over!
A bloke was driving up the M1 in his Lada. Suddenly there is a pop and a bang and the Lada starts to loose speed quickly so he pulls off to the hard shoulder. A few minutes later a Porsche pulls up in front of them and a bloke jumps out.
“Do you want a tow mate?” he says, “yes please” the Lada driver replies.
“Ok, but if I go too fast then you will have to put you’re indicator on or I will lose myself!!”
So the two men set off and after about ten minutes a Ferrari pulls up alongside the Porsche and they start to race, forgetting the poor Lada behind. Finally they take an exit to a little village and zoom past a little pub with a man standing outside it with his pint in his hand. This bloke runs inside to his friends and blurts out; “You’ll never guess what I have just seen! I saw a Ferrari and Porsche racing at 250 mph and a Lada indicating to overtake!!!”
What’s the difference between a Lada and a golf ball?
You can drive a golf ball 200 metres.
What do you call a Lada that starts first time?
A novelty.
What do you call a Lada that overtakes you?
A mirage.
What to you call a Lada with brakes?
Customised.
Guy #1: I was lucky yesterday, I won second prize in a lottery!
Guy #2: Lucky you! What did you win?
Guy #1: A Lada
Guy #2: Oh yeah, what was the first prize?
Guy #1: A basket of assorted fruits.